• Mummy, you’re magic!

    Early dinner at Wildflowers, Petaling Street. The wagyu steak with red wine sauce is pure joy in every bite *salivating*

    This year’s Mother’s Day feels extra special because my mum is here with me in KL and we get to share this day in person and also because I’m a mom myself. Motherhood has opened my eyes in many ways. Suddenly, I see so clearly the quiet sacrifices, the patience, and the fierce love my mum gave us – day in, day out. She’s the glue, the heart, the backbone of our family.

    No amount of thank-you’s will ever be enough but here’s one anyway: THANK YOU for giving me life, and for being the life in it. You are magic, mummy. I see you, I honor you and I love you more than words can say.

    And though I may now be someone’s mum and found my first strand of white hair, I’ll always be your baby girl. Always.

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  • The Weight of Invisible Things

    My mother-in-law stayed with us for nearly two months, lovingly helping to care for Iliana and supporting both my husband and I as adjusted to a new job. During that time, life felt lighter. Meals were thoughtfully prepared, childcare was shared and there was a wonderful rhythm of mutual understanding and give-and-take. Now that she’s returned home, I find myself back in the thick of things – juggling work, caregiving and daily responsibilities. I’m feeling drained trying to do it all at once.

    Even when I’m exhausted and craving just a moment to breathe, I still try to show up fully as a loving wife, a present mother, a caring sister, a thoughtful daughter. These parts of me are genuine but sometimes I wonder if people assume I’m doing just fine because I rarely say otherwise.

    It’s not that I’m ungrateful. I’m just tired. And feeling a little unseen in the process.

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  • A Toddler on Roids: Iliana 0 – 1 Steroid

    Iliana on roids, needs to be immortalized! It’s been one heck of a week!

    Last Wednesday, as I was driving home from work, I got a call from my husband. Iliana had another severe allergic reaction. And by severe, I mean the kind that sends us rushing to the hospital – swollen face and hives, the terrifying signs that scream anaphylaxis. Thankfully, she didn’t show the most dangerous symptom, swelling of the throat that can block breathing, but the situation was serious enough to put us on high alert.

    This was Iliana’s second severe allergic reaction. The first happened when she was about eight months old, after an accidental exposure to milk. This time, the culprit was…. a banana. Not quite unripe, but not fully ripe either – you know the kind where some parts are soft and sweet and others still have that greenish bite? According to my mother-in-law, Iliana had been playing with the banana and popped a bit into her mouth, which wasn’t a concern at all, since she’s had bananas before without any issues. But within seconds, the hives began forming, and her face started to swell.

    My husband gave her antihistamines right away and booked a Grab to get them to Cyberjaya Hospital. We only have one car, and I had driven to work that day, hence Grab. When they arrived, the triage team assessed her and seeing that the antihistamines had already started to suppress her symptoms, told them to wait in the regular queue. By the time I got to the hospital, they had already been waiting a while. Hours passed and although Iliana wasn’t scratching much, we started noticing new hives appearing. It wasn’t escalating but it wasn’t fully calming down either. When it was finally our turn to see the doctor, we decided to go ahead with a steroid injection, just to be safe.

    What I’ve learned from Iliana on Roids :

    1. Steroids need to be tapered down instead of stopped suddenly. Iliana was given a high dose at the hospital to quickly calm her allergy reaction, but reducing the dose slowly is important. Why? Because our bodies make their own steroid (cortisol) through the adrenal glands. When we take steroid meds, the body pauses its own production. Stopping suddenly doesn’t give it time to restart and that can cause something serious called adrenal crisis (fatigue, low blood pressure, vomiting, etc). Tapering also helps prevent symptoms from coming back too strongly once the meds wear off.

    2. Increased appetite and thirst. Iliana’s been a bottomless pit and carbo-loading like she about to run a toddler marathon! I recently found out this is thanks to steroids boosting ghrelin, the “I’m hungry!” hormone made in the stomach. It basically flips her internal feed-me switch to maximum. Steroids also mess with aldosterone, a hormone that helps balance salt and water in the body. This can confuse her hydration signals. So even though her body’s holding onto water, her brain might still think she’s dehydrated.

    3. Changes in behavior. “Who is this kid?!” – a question I asked way too many times while Iliana was on steroids. One minute she’s giggling, the next she’s raging. Steroids mess with brain chemicals like dopamine and serotonin, the ones that control mood, sleep, energy and emotional responses. When these get out of whack, it can lead to irritability, hyperactivity, anxiety and trouble winding down. Imagine all that in a toddler, whose tiny brain is still figuring out feelings 101.

    4. Disrupted sleep-wake cycle. Most steroid medications are synthetic versions of cortisol – the body’s natural “get up and go” hormone. When cortisol stays unnaturally high (thanks to the meds), it throws off the body’s internal clock. High cortisol blocks melatonin, the “sleepy time” hormone, making it harder to wind down, relax or even feel tired. Iliana was already in the messy middle of dropping to one nap when this happened, so her schedule was hanging by a thread. Throw steroids into the mix, and you’ve got a nap-refusing, hangry toddler doing laps in the crib.

    Im going to be honest, we did not finish the full course. We skipped the last day because things were starting to spiral, and I just couldn’t bear to watch my little baby struggle like that anymore. It’s been three days since her last dose, and I’m finally starting to see glimmers of the Iliana I know. Today, she took a glorious 2.5-hour nap, and let me tell you, I could’ve cried tears of joy. That girl needs her sleep okay.

    The past few days have been intense – messy, emotional and exhausting but it’s reminded me how tough and tender our little ones are. Here’s to healing, to learning and to holding on when times are tough 💛

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  • The Day the Earth Hugged Back ✨

    I had the best time at a half day retreat on a farm in Dengkil. I learned acupressure using durian balls (yes, the spikey massage kind!), soaked in a sound bath, and walked barefoot around the farm while discovering all sorts of vegetables, flowers, and how everything in the ecosystem works together. I also had the most delicious organic breakfast and lunch prepared by Mr. Tai. My goodness – the baked pumpkin was absolute perfection.

    I signed up for this retreat about a month ago, hoping to carve out little time for myself. And honestly, I did myself proud. It often feels like I pour so much into the people around me, and I forget to refill my own cup. Sometimes I joke that I’m love deprived. HA! But this day felt like a big warm hug to myself.

    We started with acupressure therapy using massage balls – intuitive little tools that deliver pressure to different points across the body along the meridian lines. Each meridian is connected to a specific element and body part. Do I know which point links to what? No, I don’t 😁 All I know is that every bit of pressure felt amazing. By the end of the session, it was as if I’d just had a full-body massage. My body felt light and my mind, calm.

    Then came the barefoot walk around the farm. Studies have shown that walking without shoes, also known as earthing or grounding has a host of potential benefits – physical and mental. But one that really stood out to me is this: when we walk directly on the Earth, our bodies absorb free electrons from its surface, which act as natural antioxidants. Don’t get me started on antioxidants!! Okay, I will. These magical molecules help protect our cells from damage, slow down aging, support heart and brain health, boost immunity, and reduce inflammation. WOW. Imagine all that, just from touching the Earth. Thank you, Earth. You give so much.

    We then moved on to the sound bath, a deeply meditative experience that I truly enjoyed. Even though sounds surrounded me, it somehow felt quiet enough for deep reflection. My mind wandered and as it did, all sort of emotions surfaced. To be honest, I’d had a tough morning, and the past few weeks at home had been anything but easy. But in that stillness, I found space to process it all. That reflection gave me a sense of renewed purpose and gently lifted my weary spirit. After letting the emotions pass through, I felt at peace. So much so that I nearly drifted off to sleep. If it weren’t for a few curious ants making their way onto my arms, I think I would have. The sounds of singing bowls, cymbals, chime bars, flutes and the natural symphony of the farm blended into something incredibly soothing, and it was just what I needed to get through life.

    A wellness experience led by Nicole & Chee Ling from Time For Yoga at GK Organic Farm, Dengkil.

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  • Photo Update : Oh! My Heart!

    Iliana & her daddy 💗
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